Naked Bacon Cooking Armor (Unisex)

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Product Details

Safely Cook Bacon Naked.


The three most dangerous activities in the world are:


1. Underwater cage fighting with great white sharks

2. Bungee jumping into a live volcano, and

3. Cooking bacon naked


Cooking naked has been proven to increase one’s sense of smell and taste – which means that the ultimate breakfast meat can taste even better than it already does. Cooking and eating bacon naked has been said to be the food equivalent of winning the lottery, scoring a touchdown in the Super Bowl and neck-punching Justin Bieber all at once. It's a temptation that's too hard to resist, despite the risks to one's man- or womanhood.


A recent Gallop poll found that 87% of Americans were more concerned with how to safely cook Bacon while in the nude than climate change, twerking, North Korean cyber attacks, the proliferation of nuclear weapons and the economy – combined.  


Introducing the most significant bacon-related technological breakthrough of our lifetime - J&D's Naked Bacon Cooking Armor. It's lightweight, sort of stylish and provides maximum bacon-cooking protection in the areas you need it most.


Whether you're cooking bacon naked, eating bacon while engaged in a Brazilian jujitsu match, or breaking off a turbulent relationship over breakfast, Naked Bacon Cooking Armor is a must have accessory that will keep your valuables safe and make your bacon taste better. 


So be smart.  Don’t get kicked in the groin by Bacon grease again.  


You're welcome.

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